By
reach on July 30th, 2006
Posted in English, Idiocy, Politics, Rant, Religion | 3 Comments »
Ellou, I was away hoping things will calm down and I won’t have to write any opinions, but it’s too late now.
But first - http://picasaweb.google.com/andrea.reach - my new photo album, I’ll see what I’ll do about the one on Flickr.
I got my hands on some good music again. Thanks to Dixy I’m listening to Babyshamles and Morrissey, and there’s also Something Corporate, an Emo band I guess. I’ve been thinking about emo, and came to the conclusion that much more people would like it, if Emo-kids weren’t so bloody annoying. However, I am not surrounded by them, so they don’t get to annoy me, and i can enjoy the music without looking at them 
And now, Lebanon. I try, i really do, to understand Israel’s actions… but the truth is, they are showing off their power by destroying a country. I know all about Hezbollah, bad bad radicals, killing Israelis. And than in a fit of logic, Israelis are attacking the killers of civilians by …. killing the civilians. Where did i last encounter such logic? where o where…. Oh yeees, when Muslims were proving to be a peaceful nation by killing innocent people. It proves to me one thing, all killers are alike. Muslim, Jew, Nazi, Communist, Democrat… they are all the same. They find a great excuse, and start a genocide. - HEY You can’t compare what nazis did to what jews are doing now! - Watch me. Hezbollah is a terrorist organization hiding behind innocent and/or idiotic civilians. Jews (and i’m using “Jews” cause “Israelis” is such a crappy word) are killing those civilians, hoping to achieve what? When all civilians from Lebanon are dead Hezbollah will have no one to hide behind. Wuhu! CHILDREN people! You are killing CHILDREN!!! And in case you’re wondering THIS is a child:
And I really tried. This is not an “all jews must die” rant. This is an “all wars must stop” rant. I know some Israelis, they are great people, i love talking to them, they aren’t responsible for what’s going on. But someone is. And that someone should spend the rest of his very long life thinking of all the children whose lives he took. What they could have grown up to be. How much they would have loved, smiled, the games they would have played, hugs they would have given, happiness they would have spread. If I was from Lebanon, and lucid, i would stop showing the world pictures of dead children’s bodies, i would show them pictures of what those bodies looked like when they were alive and smiling.
There was a way to bring down Hezbollah without killing so many people. I’m sure of it. All this… is just someone showing off. This is not an accident. How many members of Hezbollah did they kill for each civilian that died? I’m guessing none. Prove me wrong. And than make me think it’s worth it.
By
reach on March 24th, 2006
Posted in English, Fun, Religion | 3 Comments »
Sex. What is up with sex?! Why is everyone obsessed with it? Nobody wants people to have sex any more. It became the main goal of all religious and political leaders of the world. It’s not about oil, or money or territory… they just want people to stop having sex. Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus… I need to check up on Buddhism… they are all convincing me that sex is bad. EVIL! If you do it you will go to hell. You can only do it when a man sings a piece of paper and puts a ring on your hand. Why???? Does that physically prepare me for it? Now in our Sabor, politicians are thinking of ways to stop gays from having sex. Gay sex is evil too. Masturbation? Evil. We even have scientists working every day on how to create human being without use of sex!!!
How did it come to this?
Apparently God created Adam and Eve… however he did not create a priest to marry them so I can only assume they had extramarital relations. And before Eve there was only Adam. And there was nothing in this world that made him horny. Do you think he ever looked down at his balls and just wondered what the hell those dangly, hairy little things are doing there? And he walked around naked a lot… cause that is the way God wanted him to walk around. God is a voyeur.
So there was Adam and his useless genitalia, walking around eating strawberries, watching his chest hair grow and wondering if there was a purpose to his existence. And than one dreary evening as he was walking by the forest, God jumped him from the dark, broke his rib, and took it away leaving Adam tend to his wounds. For you see God has had a wet dream last night… he dreamt of a creature, that looked a bit like him, but was softer and pinkier and not quite so hairy and smelled very nice. And he woke up all sticky and disturbed. So he decided, in his omnipotence, to create one such creature, and peep on her as well. But he needed the original code, which he lost, so he decided to use one of Adam’s bones. His treatment of Adam that night really wasn’t malice, he was just overly excited, and Adam, it is said, forgave him soon when he saw what God was excited about. He looked at the lovely boobied creature when he felt something tickling his stomach. He looked down and it was a snake, a vicious snake was crawling on him! So he took a stick and hit it to push it off, but than he fell on the ground wailing in pain, as it was, in fact, his first erection. And God laughed “Hey, I didn’t know it could to that. Amazing.” And Eve looked at him and his erection and in her music-like voice she said “Pih, what use could that little thing serve?” “It’s not little!” Adam said “Well it’s not very big either.” God added.
However, when Adam stopped moping, and Eve stopped making fun of his body, they got along pretty well. And God was happy. But Adam still didn’t know why the thing kept tickling his stomach every time Eve was around. So one day he called God and asked him.
“Hey, do you know what I’m supposed to do with this?”
“Nope.” God answered “No idea. Give me some time to check up on it. I’ll let you know.”
And indeed, a few days later God appeared before Adam and told him “I got it! The thing is supposed to go somewhere into her, I’m not really sure where, so turn her around a bit, see what’s the best fit, but that’s definitely it.”
“Oh! Rad, thank you God”
“No prob. Btw this is very puzzling, tigers for instance don’t have this problem… try it out, and if you like it, I’ll install the same function on all my other creatures.”
(Apparently, snails voted against it)
And that afternoon Adam approached Eve and told her he wanted to try and put his thing somewhere into her. But she had a headache and so they waited till tomorrow. And tomorrow it was good. And Adam loved it. And Adam wanted to do it every damn day three times for 10 minutes. Eve was freaking out.
So one day when Adam was horny, he walked up to her and asked her to lie down for him, but she said no.
“No, I can’t I’m making a … a… broom! Yes, a broom.”
“What’s a broom?”
“It is a tool with which I shall clean the dirt from the ground.”
“But the ground is all dirty?”
“And I shall clean it all.”
A few days later Adam approached her again and asked her to lie down but she said no.
“I can’t, I’m making dishes.”
“What is dishes?”
“Tools from which we shall eat”
“But we have hands to eat from?”
“Well now we shall have this too”
And so days passed, and Eve invented more and more tools, which she used to do “things”, and the “things” she named chores. And Adam was not happy.
“God, she doesn’t want me to put my thing into her any more”
“Yes, I saw… I’m not sure how I can help you.”
“Well I was thinking…”
“Yees?”
“How about if you made it have a purpose. Like her chores. If every time we did it the grass would be freshly cut. Or the fruits would grow bigger. Or… something like that. Something that would make her happy.”
“Well,” God said “I’ve been toying with this one idea for a while now, but I’m not sure you’d like it. Or Eve for that matter.”
“Oh anything! Anything God but I must have her again!”
“Very well! Since I want to make this a growing, interactive planet, I thought I’d give you some limited ability to make creatures yourselves. I’d still be in charge, but you’d do the actual work.”
“Wow, sounds great. And these creatures, they would just appear?”
“Eerm… no, not exactly, you’d have to push them out of your body.”
“WHAT!?”
“Well since you’re the one who wants to be putting things into other things…”
“No WAY! NO WAY IN HELL! She has so many holes! She can do it!”
“Go talk it over with her and let me know tomorrow.”
… and so it was that Eve said “ooooh… a little baby all for myself….” And cursed all women for millenniums to come. And they lived happily. Having sex, which they named sex, and Eve waited for the baby. But since there was a bug in the program they didn’t come quite as fast as God expected. But they kept trying none the less. And Adam learned about foreplay. And mostly, all was well.
But then one day Eve was PMS-ing… and a sad day for all humanity it was. God came to her and told her to go pick some bananas while he had a word with Adam “Men stuff, you know.” And she just lost it.
“You can’t tell me what to do! You are not the master of me!” she yelled at both of them.
“I created you!” said God.
“And I made you come!” said Adam.
“Ha! So what?! I can do the same and better with my own two hands and a cucumber! And you!” she turned to God “You created me, so you thing that gives you the right to tell me what to do!? Watch this!”
She turned and grabbed the apple from the forbidden tree and ate it. Than she looked at Adam “And what about you? Will you be his biatch all your life? EAT THE EFFING APPLE!” And the wimp he was, he ate it. And God was mighty pissed.
“That’s it!” God roared “I shall take away what you love the most! There will be no more happy sex for you! You shall suffer, and beg, and play stupid games to have sex! You shall have to pick flowers and invent alcohol to get laid! You shall multiply and grow and have systems and those systems will prohibit sex of any kind! Eve! They shall ban production of cucumbers! They shell whip you for touching yourself! They shall make you hate your body and all things you can do with it! And Adam! There shall be men! Hairier than even you are! Who shall want to make use of your holes! And your children shall want their holes used as well! And it shall be joyous, but all shall hate it, and hate your children for it! And you shall be in shame! HA! IN YOUR FACE!”
Of course, God had forgotten that he hath given people free will as well, so things didn’t go quite so smoothly, but his followers, knowing this story, are doing their best that his laws be obeyed. They are the ones who are truly misunderstood in this world.
But let us help them get over their vengeful laws.
Next time you see a nun, or a Jehovah’s Witness, or a religious freak of any sort, don’t make fun of him/her, take them by the hand and lead them into the dark and make sweet, sweet love with them till they realize that NO law that prohibits sex of any kind, can be good.
By
reach on March 14th, 2006
Posted in English, Politics, Religion | No Comments »
Gotovina sent his condolences to Milosevic’s family… how very… Christian of him. Surely there’s someone who sees the perversity of it! How can a man who is supposed to represent all that was good on our side of the war, send his condolences to the family of a man who was supposed to represent everything bad?! But… this is his explanation, and it’s fine by me, but i somehow doubt this is the last we hear of this story: “Concerning the death of Slobodan milosevic, in accordance with Christianity and catholic upbringing, whose spirit is clearly visible in “our father” in which religious people ask of God to “forgive their trespasses as they forgive those who trespass against them” and in the spirit of humanity, I simply referred my condolences to the family whose member died in the cell next to mine. During the war I behaved as a soldier, in accordance to Christian and humane principles towards enemy soldiers and civilians. Those who wish to spread hate and inhumanity today, are the same ones who spread hate and vindictiveness during the war, and they are the reason I’m here today.”
Also, there was news that he signed an obituary of sorts… to say goodbye to his “fellow convict”, but he denied it. So i guess the Serbs signed him there. i believe him. (it’s not cynicism, i really do)